Just Another Messed Up VB Story
by saiyanbaby23
Summary: Chapter 2 is up...finally. It is short but that's because I had a bad case of writer's block Anywhoo, for those who reviewed...thanks alot guys, now I know my story is good. LOL! Please read and review...Thanks
1. Default Chapter

Just A Messed Up V/B Story  
By: Saiyan_Baby2002 aka The Lil Bitch Of Planet Vegeta  
  
Hi everyone...okay, I'm going to make this short. This is not your basic V/B story like the one's that you may have read. Well, it might be...I don't know. Anywhoo, I did this story late at night while I was on a massive sugar high. Too much damn coffee. So just to let you know, all characters are out character. Bulma is herself, but can become a total B***CH, if you know what I mean. Vegeta will at times, go mental in the story. Goku is still stupid. ChiChi is a complete B***CH. Some Yamcha bashing I can't stand him some ChiChi bashing can't stand her either Some Bulma bashing...nothing harsh, just Vegeta doing his thing. And some Vegeta bashing I love him ppl! Don't get the wrong idea.  
  
The following is a warning made by me...yeah that's right ya'll, me.  
*This story has been given the rating R.  
Due to the extreme cursing and mild violence, this story should only be read with an adult if under the age of 18. If you are below the age of 18, read at your own risk. Nobody wants any little kids repeating what they read. Parental Advisory is a must for all lil kids. I don't want to get any hate mail from mad mothers for posting this story. All characters may at times, lose it. Teletubbies will be set off at different locations throughout the story. They are put there for the sole purpose of driving characters batty, especially Vegeta. Do not attempt to approach. May be carrying deadly viruses. You have been warned. Read at your own caution and please...enjoy and Review.*  
  
*Disclaimer: I do not own DB/Z/GT. If you want to give credit, give it all to Mr. Akira Toriyama. Without his awesome manga and crazy animation style, we would never had the chance to write about DBZ! Or do anything else about the show either. I love that guy. ^_^*  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Part 1: Bets Are Nothing But Trouble But They Sure Are Interesting  
  
-------  
Our story begins...on an early morning...  
  
'WOMAN!!!'   
Bulma opened her eyes and looked at the clock. 5:30 in the morning and the saiyan prince was already yelling. Covering her head with the blanket, she hoped he would leave her alone. But of course, that wasn't going to happen. Sighing to herself, Bulma sat up in bed. It was one thing to be woken up so early, but was it really that early? Not even the birds were up yet. Groaning, the blue haired woman got out of bed, threw on a robe and made her way downstairs. When she got to the kitchen, she noticed Vegeta sitting in his usual place, patiently waiting for his food. 'It's about time you know. If you took any longer, I'd starve to death.' Vegeta said as he turned to look at her. Bulma wasn't exactly a morning person and with someone like Vegeta always trying to pick fights, she didn't have reason to be. 'That's a shame.' she said coolly. 'What?' Vegeta asked. Bulma slightly smiled as she looked at Vegeta. Then she went over to the stove. 'It would be a shame if you died of starvation. Who would I pick on everyday?' she flashed him another smile, then went back to his breakfast. 'If I died, you would miss me and try to wish me back with those stupid dragon balls.' Vegeta stated matter-of-factly. 'Why would I go and waste a perfectly good wish like that when I can wish for something useful?' Bulma laughed. Even though it still was early, she wanted to have a little fun with Vegeta. 'And I'm not useful?' 'Vegeta, if you were useful, do you think *I* would be in here, cooking your food? You could easily do it yourself you know.' Bulma said as she set a large plate of everything in front of him. 'I am useful. And I can cook, I just choose not too.' Vegeta said before wolfing down his food. Bulma watched this and cringed a bit. 'Just like Goku. Just no so messy.' she thought to herself. 'Well if you can cook oh mighty prince, why don't you?' 'What are you saying?' 'I'm saying...why don't you cook me a meal once. I don't think it would kill you to do so.' 'Is that a challenge woman?' 'No, it's a bet. Winner gets to gloat over how useless the other is. Loser has to do chores for a month. Deal?' Bulma held out her hand to seal the bet. Vegeta looked at it and then back at Bulma. Then he slowly took her hand and shook it. 'There are some rules though.' he said after releasing her hand. 'Rules? What rules?' Bulma was about to pick up his plate when he said that. Looking over at him, she cocked her head to the side, waiting for him to finish. 'Rules are...no help from others. I know how you and Kararott's mate always talk about cooking. I know she always help you. So there will be no help. Understood?' Bulma sighed and nodded her head. 'There's go my chance of winning.' she thought.  
  
****  
  
The rest of that morning, Bulma did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. Vegeta, after breakfast, had retreated to the gravity simulator to get in a full days training. A full day for Vegeta was made up of only three things. Train, eat and sleep. It was like that everyday. He would wake up at 5:30 am, he would take a shower and change out of his night clothes. after he was done, he would then go downstairs to the kitchen. Around 6:00 in the morning, he would eat breakfast. After that, train until lunchtime. Then after eating again, trained till dinnertime. It was the only time Bulma got to talk to him. After that, more training until bedtime. Sometimes he wouldn't come in for bed. Bulma had figured out his absence when she would go check on him. He would be asleep on the simulator floor, covered in sweat. She knew it was a waste to wake him, so she would leave him there. Of course, she would always have to listen to him complain about having a stiff neck and backache. But Bulma would always tell him the same thing.   
'If your too lazy to use a bed, then you deserve a backache you idiot.' And of course, Vegeta would get mad at her and they would start arguing over beds and how they should be in the most useful places. Bulma would counter Vegeta's anger by shoving a finger into his face and angrily telling him that beds belonged in "bedrooms", not in gravity simulators. Vegeta would only huff and then angrily walk out of the house. Leaving Bulma to give herself a pat on the back for a argument won.   
That was how it was. Bulma finished the kitchen and walked into the living room. She knew Vegeta wouldn't be back in for another six hours, until his stomach forced him to quit and to eat. Making herself comfortable on the couch, she settled in to watch Martha Stewart©. "Today on Martha Stewart©, we are going to be making marinated lobster surprise and stuffed crab delight." Bulma got out a pen and paper and began to write down the recipe as the old woman talked. "To began, we start off with one fresh lobster. Add this to your boiling pot of water. The water should be boiling at about 180 degrees, so if you have not yet done this, do so before adding the lobster." Bulma wrote as Martha explained the entire lobster and crab dinner. She wrote fast and vigorously, trying to keep up. After a while, she finally had the entire recipe written and looked at her notes. 'Vegeta is sure to get a surprise when he sees this.' she thought. Looking back at the television, she noticed that Martha Stewart© had gone off and a show call Surprise by Design© had come on. 'Well, I might as well redesign his room while I'm at it.' she said as she watched and took down more notes.  
  
****  
  
Inside the gravity simulator, a very agitated prince was dodging ki blasts as they sailed pass him. Vegeta dodged left and right, but his mind was not focus. What did he get himself into? To actually stoop so low as to cook dinner for that woman? When did he become so soft and take on bets that involved house chores? To say the least, he was angry at himself for excepting such a bet, and angry at the woman for thinking it. As he thought more about it, the more agitated he became until one of the ki blasts hit him in the back, knocking him to the floor. Gasping for breath, he looked up. 'Damn it.' he thought, 'I can't concentrate. That stupid woman and her damn bets. I'm betting right now she's in that house of hers laughing her ass off at me for accepting. Well, I'll show her. She won't be laughing for long when she loses miserably to my cooking skills.' Vegeta laughed out loud. Getting up, he decided it was time to call it quits for a while. He needed to do some heavy thinking and that meant, food. Usually, he knew that Bulma wouldn't be expecting him until around six or so, but tonight he needed some time to think. He needed to think of something to prepare for their bet. Walking into the house, he wasn't surprised to see Bulma asleep on the couch, with the television on. That was just like her, to fall asleep before anything interesting happened. But of course, what more did you expect from a earth woman? Vegeta casually strolled over to her sleeping form and looked down. Noticing the notepad, he picked it up and read the contents. 'Lobster, crab, red wine, black roses, red roses...' he read the writing and frowned. What was she planning? Then flipping a few pages he read the title of the new page. 'Ideas for Vegeta's new bedroom. Possibly blue everywhere, as that does seem to be his favorite color. Add more bathroom space. Larger bed with lots of blue...' Vegeta read and frowned. What was with her and blue? Yes, he had to admit. Blue was his favorite color, but wasn't she overdoing it a bit? Shaking his head in pity for Bulma, he stood over her sleeping form. She looked so peaceful, almost serene in a way. Too bad he had to wake her. Bending over so he was right above her ear, Vegeta smiled wickedly. He knew she was going to hate him for this, but he didn't care. Slowly, he brushed a stray strand of hair out her face. Then, he yelled as loud as he could, in her ear. 'WOMAN! WAKE UP!!!' Bulma jumped up from the couch with a look of complete shock on her face. Vegeta meanwhile, had started laughing his head off. It was funny to watch the blue haired woman looking around, confused. Dropping to the floor, he laughed until his side got sore and he needed to gasp for air. Bulma was furious. To put it kindly, if she were strong enough, she'd rip off his family jewels and ram them down his throat for such a dirty trick. That was how she would get back at him. But since she wasn't strong, and since Vegeta would probably kill her afterwards, she decided against it. Instead, Bulma picked up the phone a threw it at his head. It bounced off and landed right beside him. Vegeta looked at the phone and then back at Bulma. Seeing the anger in her eyes, and knowing she had thrown the phone at him made him laugh even more harder. He was laughing so hard he didn't notice Bulma walk up to him and kick him as hard as she could both in the shin and in the family jewels. Vegeta stopped laughing and looked up at Bulma. It hurt like hell, but he had to cover that last blow. Bulma stood over him and smiled. 'That's what you get for yelling in my ear you dick.' she said as she walked out of the room. Vegeta watched her exit, and with a low groan, closed his eyes. 'Owww...' he said before rolling to his side.  
  
****  
  
Bulma had retreated to the kitchen to start on her dinner. It would take at least a few hours and she wanted to get started right away. Opening the fridge, she looked through it. As she took out several things, she began to hum to herself. 'Great...no lobster.' she said to herself. Taking her head out of the fridge, she decided she needed to go buy one from the local market. Making sure everything else was set out, Bulma went to her notes to make sure nothing was amiss. 'Let's see...lobster, crab, wine, roses...I need to buy almost everything on the list. Curse saiyans and their overdeveloped eating habits. If I ever have food in this house, it will be a miracle. Not to self. Add large refrigerator in Vegeta's room. Make him buy his own damn food.' Bulma sighed and opened her notepad. Finding the list of items for Vegeta's new room, she jotted down her idea. Now it was time to go shopping. Walking back into the living room, Bulma was surprised to see that Vegeta hadn't moved from his position on the floor. Had she really hurt him that much? Carefully, she stepped up to him. 'Is he asleep?' she thought as she looked at him. Her question was answered as she felt her feet leaving the ground. Landing hard on her bottom, Bulma looked up and into the eyes of Vegeta. His mood had changed. Instead of laughing, he looked at her evilly and smirked. Then, punched her. Not hard mind you, but hard enough to get her howling in pain. And where did he punch her? Only in the most sensitive spot for a woman...right in her breast. Bulma screamed in pain as Vegeta punched her twice, once each on both breasts. 'You son of a bitch!' she yelled loudly.   
A/N: If you girls out there have ever been punched in that area, then you'll know how painful it is. I have...and believe me, it isn't funny.  
Vegeta laughed as she tried to punch him back. He watched as her small hand formed a fist and send it straight toward his face, making contact with his nose. Before it did though, Vegeta grabbed her fist in midair and held it there. 'Vegeta you ass! Let go of my hand before I rip your hair out!' Bulma said angrily. Reaching up she grabbed some of his hair and pulled. Vegeta countered and grabbed her own hair. They each began to pull. Bulma screamed as Vegeta gritted his teeth. What a sight. Vegeta and Bulma sitting on the floor, pulling each others hair out. If anyone had been there, they would have died from laughing so hard. Finally Bulma screamed and let go of Vegeta's hair. She had had enough and now looked at him with pleading eyes. 'Please Vegeta...stop.' she said as tears formed in her eyes. 'Are you sorry for kicking me in the nuts?' the prince questioned without letting go of her hair. Bulma tried to nod, but it was difficult. Instead she just let out a painful cry and started to hit Vegeta. 'Yes! I'm Sorry! Please stop!!' she begged. Vegeta pulled Bulma closer to him and looked at her. Then with one more pull, let go of her hair. She did the same and both sat on the floor, staring at each other. 'You know you deserved it woman. Did you think you were going to get off so easily after that little stunt you did?' Vegeta said. Bulma rubbed her sore head and stuck her tongue out at Vegeta. 'You deserved what I gave you, you pig. If you hadn't yell in my ear, none of this would have happened!' Bulma said as she started to stand up. Vegeta looked up at her before standing himself. 'It could've gone worse woman. I could have just left you there, not caring if you woke up or not. I thought I was doing you a favor.' 'By what? Yelling in my ear? Sorry Vegeta, I don't need any favors from you. By the way, if you're hungry...tough. I'm not fixing a damn thing for you. If you want food so badly, go catch a fish!' Bulma stormed out of the house, leaving Vegeta standing in the living room. After a few minutes, he ran outside to catch Bulma, only to notice she was already gone. 'Damn her. When she gets back, I'm going to make her pay.' he thought to himself.  
  
****  
  
The trip to the local market was a fast one. Bulma swerved her car into one of the open lots and jumped out. 'First, the lobster.' she thought as she took out her notepad. Walking into a shop that read "Fresh Fish: We Catch Em', You Buy Em'" she looked around. Everywhere, fish hung in the store. Bulma held her nose and walked over to the large counter where a young boy was gutting and filleting a large mackerel. 'May I help you miss?' the boy said without taking his eyes off the dead fish. Bulma nodded and took her fingers from her nose. 'I'd like your biggest lobster. And at least twenty crabs, please.' she said before holding her nose again. Looking up, the boy smiled and nodded his head in return. 'The lobsters are over there miss. Pick one that you want and let me know. And you said twenty crabs, am I right?' 'Yes...' Bulma did as the boy told her and went over to the large tank in the corner of the store. Different size lobsters stared out at her through the glass. Looking at each one, she noticed a huge one in the back. 'I found one I like.' she said. The boy walked over to Bulma and looked at the lobster she pointed at. 'Are you sure lady? That lobster costs around two hundred Zeni. Are you sure you're going to have enough to purchase it and along with some crabs which are twenty Zeni each?' he asked. Bulma nodded and smiled. 'I'm sure. Besides, I can pay. And for being such a good help, I'll even give you a tip.' Bulma reached into her purse and handed the boy her credit card. Looking at it, he noticed the name on it. 'Miss Briefs! Oh man...I didn't know it was you. I am so sorry for questioning you like that. Here, let me get you all set up.' Bulma watched as the boy retrieved her lobster and crabs. After paying, she gave him a large wad of cash from her pocket. To the boys surprise, he counted it. 'Miss Briefs...there's five hundred Zeni here...' Bulma smiled and began walking out of the store. Before going through the doors, she looked back. 'It's your tip. Thank you for the help.'   
Back out on the street, Bulma looked around for the other items on her list. 1 dozen red roses, 1dozen black roses, two bottles of red wine, some candles, and a few other items. 'That should be it.' she said to herself as she walked back to her car. After depositing everything in the back seat, she opened her notepad once again. 'Let's see...lobster, crabs, roses...Looks like I have everything. Wait, I'm missing the fridge for Vegeta's room. Oh screw him. He can buy his own damn refrigerator. Or least work for it.' That said, she put the notepad in her purse and started to get in her car. That's when she heard it. 'Yamcha...I thought we were going back to your place.' 'We are baby. I just have to get a few personal items, if you know what mean.' Bulma stopped and turned around. 'I thought he was out of town?' she thought. Her questions were answered as she saw her boyfriend Yamcha kissing a blonde girl, before disappearing into a local shop. 'That son of a bitch!' she said angrily. Walking up to the blonde, Bulma smiled. 'Hello, what's your name?' she asked. The blonde girl frowned and turned her head in the direction of the store. 'My name is Amelia. And you are?' she answered in a snooty way. 'That's really non-of your concern. That guy...who was he?' 'Oh, that's my boyfriend Yamcha. He's been dating this one chick name Bulma and cheating on her with me. He told me that he couldn't get it on with her cause she was an icebox. So instead, he does it with me cause he said I'm easy.' the girl said. Looking at Bulma, she cracked her bubble gum loudly and stared. 'Is that so?' Bulma frowned at the girl and looked over at the shop. Yamcha was coming out. He didn't notice Bulma right away as he was holding up a box of condoms. 'Look baby...One size fits...shit...' Yamcha stopped in mid sentence as he noticed who stood beside the blonde. 'Hey hun...what are you doing here?' he asked nervously. Bulma narrowed her eyes and looked at him with hatred. 'I was doing some shopping. I can already guess why you're here. By the way sweetie, I think you got the wrong kind. Here, let me help you out.' Bulma walked into the shop and purchased some condoms and pills for Yamcha. Throwing them at him, the cheating warrior read the label. "You Wish!! Brand name Condoms: For the tiny dick" and "Keep It Up: When it just doesn't want to work". Yamcha read the two items and frowned. 'Bulma hun...what's these?' he asked. 'Yamcha, don't play stupid. You know damn well what they are.' Bulma said with her hands on her hips. Turning to girl, she added. 'If it stays up for more than ten seconds...that'll be a shock. Have fun and by the way...you can keep him.' That said, Bulma left Yamcha and Amelia alone in the street.  
  
****  
  
Back home, Vegeta had already began preparing his meal. He couldn't wait for Bulma to eat his cooking and smiled approvingly to himself. 'Soon...' he thought, 'She's going to regret ever making that bet.' Pulling off the "Kiss The Cook" apron, Vegeta went into the living room to watch television. Turning on the set, he was surprised to see a show called Teletubbies© on. Watching it for a moment, Vegeta looked on as four very ugly, fat alien type creatures appeared on the screen, dancing and running around like mad men. One was yellow. One was red. One was green. And one was purple with a purse. 'What the fuck!' Vegeta asked himself as he watched the purple one, named Tinky Winky, take out a pink umbrella from its purse. The yellow one, named LaLa, ran around and started singing out "Lalalalala". To say the least, it really upset Vegeta and he quickly flipped the channel. But to his horror...more Teletubbies©. Every channel he flipped through had at least one show about the horrifying creatures on it. Flipping the channels some more, Vegeta started to get scared. From seeing four ugly stuffed alien things, lots of fake grass and trees, bunnies and ducklings, and a big baby faced sun, Vegeta was freaking out. It was as if Teletubbies© were everywhere. Putting his knees up to his chin, Vegeta started to rock back and forth. 'LaLa...LaLa...LaLa...' he kept repeating over and over.  
*A/N: Keep in mind that a few hours had gone by and the Teletubbies© show had mesmerized Vegeta into watching it. I always knew that show was evil...*  
Bulma pulled to a stop outside Capsule Corp. with a long screech of her tires. How dare Yamcha! Cheating was low, but to stoop so low as to cheat on her with a frickin' blond? Bulma angrily slammed her car door and stomped into the house. 'I hate him!' she yelled while going into the kitchen. To her surprise, the kitchen was a mess. 'Vegeta! Where the fuck are you?!' Running back into the living room, Bulma looked around for her houseguest. She found him hiding in the closet, in one hand a large spatula. In the other hand, a large wooden spoon. 'Ahh! Shut the door!' Vegeta yelled while trying to get into the closet some more. Bulma stared. What in the world was wrong with him? 'Vegeta...' she began. 'Close the door! They're going to get me!' Vegeta yelled. Bulma looked at him and cocked her head to the side. 'Who?' she asked. 'The Teletubbies...they're here now. Looking for me...they want to make me their Teletubbie Buddy. Make them go away pretty lady. I don't want my brains eaten. Make them leave me alone...you have pretty hair. I don't want a pink umbrella! Tinky Winky wants me to play doctor with him!' Vegeta ranted while rocking back and forth. Bulma stared at him wide eyed and shook her head sadly. 'I always knew you were insane Vegeta. But seriously, this doesn't even deserve to be in the same catagory as "Lunatic". Have a nice night.' with that, Bulma shut the closet door, leaving Vegeta to rant on about Teletubbies.  
  
****  
Several days had passed and both Bulma and Vegeta were at Goku's house for their big cooking bet. After Bulma explained the bet and what was going on, Goku had readily agreed to do the taste testing, since it involved food. 'No surprise there.' Bulma thought. 'When it comes to food, he's willing to do anything.' The bet went both ways. Goku, who really enjoyed food, casted his vote for both meals. Making Bulma and Vegeta groan bitterly. 'Well, I guess we both have chores to do.' Bulma said as she sat down. 'You do...I don't. I don't stoop that low.' Vegeta laughed as he walked away. 'Why you...' 'Hey Bulma...look at what I made.' Bulma looked down and saw Gohan standing beside her with a book. 'What did you make Gohan?' 'This...' Bulma took the book and looked at it. Inside was a picture of Vegeta, going nuts. Underneath him was the word "Lunatic". "Lunatic" Pictured above...' reading it, Bulma started to laugh. 'Do you like it?' Gohan asked. Bulma wiped some tears from her eyes and nodded. 'I love it. Got anything else that describes our dear old princy?' she asked. Gohan grinned and motioned for her to follow him into the house. To her delight and surprise, Gohan took out his moms pink umbrella and pranced around the house with it. Then he dropped to his knees and started rocking back and forth, mumbling 'No make them go away.' Bulma started laughing, hard. It was so funny watching Gohan act like Vegeta. Both laughed until ChiChi popped her head in to see what was going on. 'Gohan! How many times do I have to tell you? Go to your room and start with your studies.' the woman said while tapping her foot. 'Yes mother...' Gohan slowly walked upstairs, hanging his head sadly. 'I never get to have any fun.' was the last thing heard as he disappeared around a corner. 'Damn ChiChi. You didn't have to be that harsh. He was just having fun.' Bulma said as she turned to face the other woman. 'Do not tell me how to raise my son Bulma! I will make him do whatever I want cause I know it's for the best. When you have children, you can treat them as you wish.' 'I just said you shouldn't be so harsh on him. And anyways, if I ever do have children, I'll be damned if I ever let you see them you shrew! ChiChi, do us all a favor and take some fucking' prozac you bitch!' 'Why you ungrateful tramp! How dare you come into my house and call me such vulgar names?! I want you out! Right Now!' ChiChi yelled. 'Sounds like something is going on in there.' Goku said as he looked at Vegeta. 'Sounds like a catfight. Let's go watch Kakarott.'  
Both men walked up to the house. Inside, Bulma and ChiChi threw stuff at each other while calling off names. 'Dirty Whore!' 'Loud mouth wench!' 'Blue Haired Bitch!' 'Shrew!' 'Fuck you! 'Fuck yourself bitch. I don't do dirty sluts!' 'Why you damn ho!' 'Takes one to know one!' Vegeta watched with interest as Goku covered his mouth. More insults flew back and forth as each one tried to out do the other. 'Damn it ChiChi! What the fuck does Goku see in you? You're such a bitch!' 'More than what you'll ever know you whore! At least I got a man. Your man is off busy fuckin' anything that walks. I wouldn't be surprised if he hadn't already boned a few men!' 'Fuck Yamcha! I don't give a rats ass about that dick head!' 'I wasn't talking about Yamcha you twit! I was talking about Vegeta!' Vegeta, who had been laughing, suddenly stopped when he heard his name. 'Vegeta? Now why in the world would he want to fuck a bunch of dirty old men when he can have me?' 'Cause I think he would get a better blowjob and a good fuck from them, than from you!' Goku looked at his wife with wide eyes. Then he looked at Bulma. Next, he looked over at Vegeta. The saiyan prince's mouth was open as his brain tried to process what was going on. 'Hey Vegeta...are you okay?' Goku asked. Vegeta only nodded and walked over to a tree. Then slowly, he began to bang his head on the trunk. Goku scratched his head and grinned. 'I guess not.' he laughed.  
  
****  
  
A few hours had passed and neither Bulma or ChiChi talked to one another. Goku rambled on about how he could become a super saiyan until Vegeta threw a ki blast, missing his head just by inches, but giving him a close shave. 'That hair style suits you Kakarott. To bad saiyan hair doesn't grow back.' Vegeta laughed at the small section of scalp on the taller saiyans head. 'Darn you Vegeta. That wasn't fair.' Goku pouted. 'Take it like a man. We all go bald at some point in our lives.' Vegeta laughed. Bulma turned and faced him and smiled widely. 'Yeah, some before others, your highness. I got one word for you Vegeta, Rogain. You should try it sometime' she giggled. Vegeta frowned and turned away so he wouldn't look at Bulma. 'Just for the record Woman, I'm not balding. I have a perfectly full head of hair. It's just the way it grows. I can't stop the way my hair grows, just like Kakarott can't stop being an idiot.' he said. 'Prove it then. I want to see some bangs.' Bulma pulled out a brush and mirror from her purse and handed them to Vegeta. Taking them, the prince did as he was told. 'You know Vegeta, you look really cute with bangs. They kinda frame your face in a stylish sort of way. But if you want the real truth, you look dead sexy with your old style. Kinda of makes me wanna do you right here on the ground. What do you say stud? You, me, the ants...all right here. ChiChi and Goku can join in too. We can have a massive orgy.' Bulma smiled as she ran a finger over Vegeta's chest, making him shift slightly. Goku and ChiChi exchanged glances and looked back at Bulma who now had worked off Vegeta shirt. 'Bulma...ummm...you're not really going to do...umm...right here...are you?' Goku asked. 'She had better not the damn bitch! What if Gohan walks out? Or worse, what if he hears it? Oh god! My son still has virgin ears! I don't want him growing up warped.' ChiChi ranted. Bulma laughed and turned to face ChiChi, while one hand undid the buttons of Vegeta pants. 'Don't worry ChiChi. Gohan already knows everything there is to know about sex.' she giggled. 'What the!? Why you dirty little nasty slut! How dare you do that to my son! I'll kill you you fuckin' bitch!' ChiChi screamed as she went toward Bulma. 'Whoa, calm down there Xena. I didn't do anything. If you want the real culprit...look at your husband. He's the one who takes him over to Master Roshi's island. You can guess what kind of stuff they watch over there. And just to let ya know doll, it's not Barney and Friends©.' Bulma said as she turned back around to face Vegeta. ChiChi was furious. Grabbing Goku's ear, she dragged him toward the house, while he pleaded and begged for mercy. 'Now, where were we?' Bulma gigged as she undid the last button. Pulling off Vegeta's pants, Bulma smiled. 'Black boxers with red hearts. Very cute Vegeta. Those defiantly scream out "Look at me, I'm evil!".' she laughed. Vegeta sat on the ground, watching her. For some reason, he found it hard to move. As Bulma laughed, she stood up. 'Now my prince. It's your turn to watch me.' she said before putting on a strip show. Afterwards, they got down to business.  
*A/N: I really suck at lemons, so you ppl are going to have to use your imaginations on this.*  
  
****  
  
Many hours and twenty orgasms later.   
*A/N: Yeah, they screw like rabbits. Both are running with Duracel batteries. They just keep going, and going, and going... Do you have the Bunny Inside?*   
Bulma lay in the crook of Vegeta's arm, looking up at the sky. It had gone dark just a hour ago and now the moon was beginning to rise. Sighing, she nestled herself deeper into his arms and closed her eyes. 'Tell me something woman.' Vegeta began. 'What?' Bulma answered but never moved. Vegeta searched his mind for the right words. 'Why? I mean...why me? I thought you and Lambchop had something going on. I never expected you to do any of this...at least not with me.' Vegeta said, trying not to come off sounding like a complete moron. Bulma lifted her head and smiled at him. 'I did it cause I wanted too. I did it cause I thought you might like having the attention. It's not everyday someone finds that special someone in their life. I thought I loved Yamcha, but he cheated on me one to many times. Finally, I saw him with a bimbo and decided to forget him. He did it because he thought I was an icebox. I did it because I wanted to share my first time with someone I truly cared about. I wanted it to be special, in both my mind and the others mind.' Bulma talked. Looking up she laughed. Turning around so she was face to face with Vegeta, she bent in and kissed him. 'Besides, I've been a virgin for almost 30 years. I think it was about time I let myself have some fun. I ain't getting any younger, and you Vegeta...were the perfect guy to fulfill my needs.' 'Is that all I am to you? Just a plaything?' Vegeta smirked. 'Bulma laughed as she pushed Vegeta down so he was under her. 'Of course...what else would I use you for?' she said. Vegeta rolled over taking her with him. Looking at her, the saiyan laughed. 'Not if I dominate first woman.'  
A/N: Yeah, they do it again. Bunch of horn dogs.  
  
  
  
  
  
End of Chapter 1  
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*All right, I know what everyone is thinking. Bulma is a slut in this story. Just want to point out that she is not. She wanted to do Vegeta from the beginning, she just had to work up to it.  
Please read and review. Flames are welcome, but please, no hate mail from angry mothers. I don't want to explain anything to the cops.   
Stay tuned for chapter 2 and more Teletubby madness. Poor Vegeta, I am so torturing him.*  
  
*Special Notes: Just a Request...*  
*For all those lemon fans out there. I truly suck at writing Lemons. Even Citrus is a pain for me. So I have an idea. If anyone wants too, they can write their own lemony goodness for the last part and email it to me at saiyan_baby2002@yahoo.com. I will give you all the credit. And even add your name(s) in the author section of the story. And if I get more than one entry, I'll write some more parts in the story using your lemons and give everyone else credit too. Sound good? I hope to see some entries. So please, do it for me and all those other V/B freaks out there. What are you waiting for...let's see some mushy romance. Or even some freakiness. Either way, let's see some good old fashion lovin'.* 


	2. Can you feel the love tonight?

Welcome back all you freaks out there. As you may now have noticed, Bulma and Vegeta had became an item early on in the first story. Now, I proudly present the second installment of *Just A Messed Up V/B Story*  
  
*Disclaimer: I still don't own DB/Z/GT. As of now, I'm jobless. I need to get off my lazy bum and get a job. Hmmm, I wonder if Playboy is hiring...*  
  
*Shout Outs: Thanks for everyone who reviewed. You guys are the best man *sniff* I love you guys...*  
  
*Quick Note: Gotta clear some things up real fast.   
Number 1) Bulma don't want no kids. At least, not yet. She's sort of afraid ChiChi will try to take them away from her.   
Number 2)Vegeta does want kids. He tries to ditch the protection, in hopes of getting her pregnant. Number 3)Dr. Briefs is a raging alcoholic. but tries to keep it a minimum when his wife is around. Number 4)Bulma's moms name is going to be...Sugar. Hehe, after my favorite food group. And she really wants Vegeta...If you know what I mean...  
Number 5) More Teletubbies...watch out Vegeta.   
Number 6)They live a place with monsoon seasons (just like Arizona, but it's not). I thought it would kind of cool. I lived in Arizona with some friends I met a few summers back. I like the season, only I hated getting stuck outside in the middle of the night.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Part 2: Can You Feel The Love Tonight? I'm Serious...Can You Feel It?  
(sorry...no Teletubbies will making an appearance in this chapter)  
------  
Many months have passed and still, Bulma and Vegeta go at it every night....  
  
'Vegeta you fuckin' lowlife! Did you forget to wear a condom again?' Bulma's voice echoed throughout Capsule Corp. 'That's the third time you shit head! I already told you, I don't want any kids! Not yet anyways!!!' 'Calm down woman. I thought you liked it natural.' Vegeta smirked as he dressed. Already, he had gone without covering his *lil buddy* twice, third times a charm. Bulma gave him the death glare and threw an ashtray at his head, which he caught. 'Well duh!.' she began, 'Who wouldn't?' Vegeta shook his head and placed the ashtray on the table beside him. Then he turned toward Bulma. 'If you don't want any kids, than stop seducing me. And also, the condom dispenser broke. I tried to get one, but it wouldn't take my fifty cents. I think we need to buy a new one.' Bulma looked at him with a open mouth. Since when did he care what was bought around in this house? Then, she frowned. 'Vegeta...it worked just fine the other night. Come to think of it, it worked fine all those other nights too. Are you messing with it?' Bulma asked. Vegeta turned around and looked at Bulma. Her eyes burned with hatred. Smiling, the prince shook his head. 'Now why would I go and do something like that, dearest?' he said as he winked at her. Then laughing, walked out of the room. 'VEGETA!!! If I end up pregnant, I'm taking you to court and suing your pansy ass!!!' That was how is was in the house. From the time they got together, both were at each others throats more than ever. Bulma sat on her bed, sneering and ripping the stuffing out of her teddy bear. 'If I end up pregnant, Mr. I'm-too-Damn-Macho-For-My-Own-Good, is sleeping outside in the rain. Let's see how he feels when the first monsoon season hits this year. I hope he drowns, that dirty monkey!'  
Bulma was angry. And anger mixed with Bulma was not a good sign. Looking down, she noticed that the bear was now nothing more than a rag now, stuffing thrown everywhere. Sighing, the blue haired woman began to pick up the stuffing.   
Meanwhile....  
'Vegeta, did you forget to wear another one? You know how touchy Bulma is about having kids. I hope for your sake, nothing happens.' Dr. Briefs had gone into the kitchen to get himself a beer, when he noticed Vegeta sitting at the table. The saiyan had six bottles of Bud sitting all in a row, while he worked on his seventh. 'Hey Doc. What' up?' Vegeta said, his speech slightly beginning to slur. 'Vegeta, are you ready to take full responsibility if Bulma does end up pregnant? I don't want you running out on my daughter after you knock her up.' 'Of course old man. What? You think I'm going to leave her? I ain't that low...even as a saiyan, I would never do that.' Dr. Briefs smile a little and took a drink from his own bottle. 'I guess right you're Vegeta. You don't really seem the type to do that. Sorry for bringing it up.' Vegeta nodded his head and held up his bottle. 'Hey Briefs, wanna play a game? It's called Red, Black, High or Low.' Vegeta asked. Dr. Briefs smile and nodded. 'Sure, let me get the cards.'  
3 hours and 10 cases later...  
'So tell me again why everyone in your family is named after underwear?' 'Everyone but my wife. I'm trying to get her to change her name to Lingerie, but she just won't listen.' 'I know how it is man. I wanted to be named Velveeta, but my dad said we should keep it in the family. You know how hard it is to be named after a damn planet and your father? Every time someone yelled out something like 'They're attacking Vegeta' I would have to hide in hopes of not getting killed. Then, if someone came in trying to offer a peace treaty, and I signed it...my father would beat the snot out of me, just because he thought I forged his name.' 'Sounds like you had some problems back then. So, you ready for round eight?' 'Bring it on.'  
The game went on for hours. Finally, Dr. Briefs had to stop because he was just too damn plastered. As the old man tried to stand, he felt himself falling backwards. To his relief, his wife came in at that moment and caught him. 'Sweetie, are you drunk again?' the blonde haired woman said in her annoying high pitched voice. 'No Sugar...I ain't drunk. Just a little tipsy, that's all.' the doctor laughed stupidly. Sugar looked at her husband and frowned. Then she noticed Vegeta. Shaking her head in pity, Sugar let go of her husband and as both Sugar and Vegeta watched, the old man fell to the floor, out cold. 'Hey Vegeta, I have a question I want to ask you.' Sugar batted her eyelashes. Vegeta looked at her and frowned. 'Shit! What the fuck does she want?' he thought to himself. Sugar walked over to the saiyan and sat on his lap. 'I was wondering you great big stud of a saiyan, if you could show me all the things you did with my daughter. I wanted to be taught the way of the Karma Sutra, if you know what I mean.' the woman said. If Vegeta was drunk, all it left in that moment. Staring wide eyed at Sugar, the saiyan gagged. 'What it is? Don't you want to? I could teach you Human Anatomy in return.' Taking off her clothes, the old woman put her arms around Vegeta's neck. 'So what do you say? I'm willing and ready. Look see, my love box is ready to go' Vegeta stared wide eyed at the naked woman in front of him. Growling low, he stood up, making the blonde fall to the floor. 'Vegeta, what's wrong? Ain't I good enough?' she asked. 'Woman, I wouldn't touch you even if I was offered a chance to go back to my planet! Who knows how many years it's been since that thing was last used. Besides, I might get lost in all the cobwebs. If you need to get fucked, I advise you to take advantage of your husband who's laying on the floor there, out cold. Anyways, I think it would be the only time your funky human ass will ever get a good lay. I'm willing to bet he doesn't even touch you. You should really think about calling Pest Control so you can get rid of all those starving spiders in that rat trap you call your "love box". Come to think of it, I think Orkin does free inspections. I'll go call for you.' Vegeta walked out of the kitchen, leaving a very sad Sugar behind. But, the horny old woman wasn't sad for long. 'Oh Yes! Give it to me you great big hunk of man meat!!!' Vegeta grimaced and kept walking out. 'I'm going to have horrifying nightmares for the rest of my miserable life.' he said as he shuddered. Then looking up, added. 'Please Kami, for all that is good and just in this world! Kill me now!!'  
  
****  
  
Change of scenery...At the hospital...  
  
Bulma paced back and forth. She had come to the hospital in hopes of finding out if she was pregnant or not. `That man better pray and hope to Kami that I'm not pregnant. Because if he is, I'll kill him! I wager my .45 Caliber Shotgun will do more damage than his stupid ass Big Bang Attack. Big Bang my ass! That little fucker will be dead before Goku has a chance to say KameHameHa!!!' Bulma paced and paced. Finally, a nurse stuck her head out from the doctor's office and smiled. 'Miss Briefs, the doctor will see you now.' she said in a friendly manner. 'What does she have to be so happy about? I'd like to rip that smile off her face.' the blue haired woman frowned. Inside the room, Bulma sat on the bed, waiting for her family doctor to come in. About three minutes passed and she saw him. 'Ahh, Miss Briefs. Hello again. How are you?' he asked. 'I'm fine...but really doc. I ain't got all day, so let's hear it.' Bulma said hastily. 'Well...the tests are negative. So, you're not pregnant.' Bulma could have jumped for joy. 'That's great!! Now I won't have to murder my sex partner and become a homicidal maniac and get on America's Most Wanted.' 'Miss Briefs...I don't know how to tell you this, but umm, we need another sample. The lab techs spilt the last one. We really aren't sure if you are. I just want to run one more test...just to make sure.' Bulma looked up and frowned. 'You're not sure? But I thought you said I wasn't.' 'Yes, I know...but that was just an educated guess. But this time, we'll know for sure.' 'Fine...whatever...' Bulma sighed and went into the attached bathroom to do her thing. After a few minutes, she came out. 'Here and this time, tell me the truth and not some "educated" guess.' 'Yes ma'am .' As the doctor left, Bulma's face began to twist from sheer anger. 'That test better come back negative or else, I'm killing that fucker for sure.'   
Several minutes pass...  
'Miss Briefs, I have the results.' 'Well, spit it out doc! I don't have all day. I need to get over to Curves for my daily workout. Then I have to go Jo-Jo's Bath and Beauty Supplies for my age defying cream. So spit it out already.' 'You are...you're going to have a baby. Congratulations.' Bulma went wide eyed and looked at the doctor. Smiling in a weird twisted way, she nodded and walked out of the room. 'Miss Briefs...are you okay?' the doctor asked. Bulma turned and looked at him with the twisted smile. 'Yes doctor I'm fine. I just need to go kill someone now. I'll write you from the Women's Correctional Center...if I can.' 'That poor deranged woman. I almost feel sorry for her. Damn it, I never got to tell if those breasts of hers' were real or fake. Shit!'  
  
****  
  
Bulma walked into Capsule Corp with a smile. Finding out she was pregnant had given her an excuse to go homicidal on Vegeta. First, she would kill him. Then she would bury the body in the back yard. If no one saw her do it, then she wouldn't have to worry about getting caught. Going into her room, Bulma grabbed her shotgun and headed down the hall to Vegeta's room. Smiling, she placed the gun next to her and knocked on his door. 'What do you want?' a very angry voice came through the door. 'It's me...your woman. Open the fuckin' door you midget! I have something I need to settle with you!' Vegeta looked at the door and frowned. 'Great.' he thought, 'She's pregnant. I can tell by the tone of her voice. This is not going to go easy. Maybe I should put on that bullet proof vest her dad gave me.' 'Vegeta open the door right now you piece of shit before I knock it down!' 'The door is unlocked! Open it yourself bitch!' Bulma stared wide eyed at the door. Had he just called her a bitch? That was it. Opening the door, Bulma aimed the shotgun at Vegeta and pulled the trigger. Of course, she missed. She fired three more times, but missed those too. Finally, she just gave up. Throwing the gun down, Bulma walked over to Vegeta. 'So, how did it go? Are you preggo's or not?' Vegeta asked. Instead of answering him right away, Bulma looked at him evilly. 'What do you think? Get your shit, you're sleeping outside tonight!' she yelled.  
'You're fuckin' crazy! There's no way in hell I'm sleeping outside in this weather! If you haven't already noticed woman, it's pouring the rain out there! You sleep outside!' Vegeta yelled back. Bulma looked at him and smiled. 'Alright then chicken shit, go to Goku's house then.' she said. Vegeta frowned and shook his head. Growling, he shook his fist at Bulma. 'Damn it woman! I'm not going to Kakarott's house to sleep! His bitch of a wife is still there. You know how hard it is to get her to shut up when something of the wrong nature is said? I wish I could just kill her bitch ass and get it over with. I'm sure Kakarott will welcome the sudden change.' 'Vegeta, Goku will kill you if you lay a hand on ChiChi. You have no idea how much he adores her. It's pretty sickening if you ask me.' 'Then I'll stay here. Being pregnant can't be all that bad. Besides, if something happens, I'll just blast the kid out of you. Of course, it might kill you too, but I'm willing to take that chance.' Vegeta smirked and walked over to his bed. Looking back he saw Bulma gasp and frown. 'You don't care about me or what happens to this baby! I hope you die and rot in hell you fuckin' dirt bag!!' the blue haired woman screamed. Then as fast as she could, she ran out of the room. 'I guess I ain't getting any tonight. Damn it!' Vegeta huffed as he laid down on his bed.  
Downstairs a very distraught Bulma sat on the couch, watching television. 'How could he say such a thing?' she thought. 'Doesn't he understand that this is a difficult time for me? True, I did threaten to kill him, but I told him time and time again, don't get me pregnant! But did he listen? Nooo! He goes ahead and does it anyways. I bet he was planning it from the beginning. Well, I hope he likes the gift I'm giving him. No mother fucker knocks me up and gets away with it. By this time tomorrow, he's going to be wishing he never heard the name Bulma Briefs. I hope he enjoys being a family man cause that little troll is going to fuckin marry me! Even if I have to roll his sorry behind down the aisle in a wheelchair after I lay the smack down on his ass! Vegeta, I hope you're ready, cause you just got yourself in a shit load of trouble!'   
Meanwhile....  
Vegeta lay on his bed, thinking about what Bulma had said. What did she mean by not caring for her and the baby? The damn thing wasn't even born yet so how could he care for it? Rolling over, the prince sighed and closed his eyes, trying to fall asleep. But sleep didn't come for the mighty warrior. Instead, he just tossed and turned. Finally, after what seemed like hours, Vegeta sat up. Looking at the small clock beside his bed, Vegeta started to get angry. '6:15 pm. What the fuck?!' Vegeta shouted. 'Damn it! I've already spent half the day not training! All because that woman and her damn mouth...and making me feel guilty. Maybe I should use her as a punching bag. I know she wouldn't like it but it would make me feel a hell of a lot better! I wonder where she is?' Walking downstairs, Vegeta was greeted at the foot of the steps by Sugar. She had big rosy cheeks and way too much lipstick on. Reeling back in terror, Vegeta gagged. Then he began to laugh. 'What the fuck is wrong with your face?' he laughed. 'It's makeup Vegeta dear. Don't I look absolutely, positively , gee golly gosh cute? Oh and by the way, I overheard Bulma talking to herself a little bit ago. She was saying something like "I'm going to make him pay..." or something like that. My Vegeta...can't you just feel the love?!' Sugar babbled on. 'Oh and by the way, I called Orkin like you said. The man came out did his inspection. He said he would have to come in again next week and spray. Thank you so much for mentioning Orkin to me. Without your help, I would have never guessed we had termites in our basement. You're such a sweet and generous man.' Vegeta cocked his head and looked at Sugar as if to say "Stupid Bitch". Was she really that dense to think he meant calling Orkin for an inspection on the house when he meant for her to get one herself? What was up with this family? The father was a raging alcoholic. The daughter always had PMS. And the mother was just a complete sleaze. So why did he enjoy staying here? Vegeta thought for a moment and smirked. 'Of course...the sex.' he thought. 'Vegeta...are you listening? I wanted to tell you about this cute little puppy I saw at the pet shop. It was so cute! I took one look at the little darling and decided to name it Vegeta Jr. He is so sweet. I'm thinking of buying him. What do you think?' Sugar asked while batting her eyes at Vegeta. Vegeta groaned and looked at Sugar angrily. 'She named a fuckin' dog after me? What a bitch!' he thought. 'Vegeta? Are you listening?' 'Yes you annoying wench! As for my opinion...do as you wish. Just change the beast's name to something else. I am not having a flea bitten mongrel with my name. It's too important to let just anyone have it...especially a fuckin' dog!' Sugar smiled and turned to go into the kitchen. She acted as though Vegeta hadn't even said those words. 'Vegeta is such a kind and generous young man. Perhaps I should divorce my husband and marry him instead. I wonder what the sex would be like?' Sugar walked into the kitchen, saying these things, while a very disgusted Vegeta stood at the top of the steps. 'If I ever marry that ugly skank, I'll have Kakarott personally kill me for ever agreeing to such a hideous union.' Vegeta thought as he walked the rest of the way down. 'Vegeta dear, could you come in here for a moment? Bulma is in here. I think she wants to talk to you.' Sugar yelled from the kitchen. Vegeta frowned and shook his head. 'What does she want now?' he asked himself. Then sighing, the prince walked into the kitchen.  
  
  
  
  
End of chapter 2...  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
*sorry so short. Really I am, I have a bad case of writers block and my brain isn't working right now. As of now, Vegeta has gotten himself in more trouble with Bulma than he ever imagined. Looks like poor Veggie won't be getting no lovin' for some time. Also, what is up with Bulma's mother? And why did she call Vegeta into the kitchen? Read chapter 3 to find out these questions and more in "No Time For Veggie".*  
  
Alright, so read and review or just skip the story all together. It really makes no difference to me what happens. I already know this story sucks donkey nuts, but it's all good. Actually, I would love getting more reviews, so disregard that last message and read and review anyways. Chapter 3 will be up after I get at least 6 reviews...so please, please, please...for the love of Kami! Review! That's all I ask.*  
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
* Not Part of the Story: Hey, does anyone know where I can download songs from God Smack? I'm looking for two particular songs "I Stand Alone" and "Voodoo". If you have any suggestions, add it to your review or email me at saiyan_baby2002@yahoo.com. Your help will be greatly appreciated.* 


End file.
